ONE KIND ACT.COM

Pay it Forward
Elizabeth Svoboda
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE

As life dragged on after her best friend Lynda Drabek’s funeral, Charlene Moser took a novel approach to keeping the pain at bay: She carried out small acts of kindness. The good deeds she choose”paying for the drive-thru customer behind her, for instance”were things Lynda, a lifelong altruist, had done. “She would go through her address book, pick someone at random and write a card to them”no occasion, just because,” Moser recalls.

At first, being the Good Samaritan wasn’t easy. Both recipients and intermediaries the drive-thru cashiers, for instance were suspicious of her motives. Still, any resistance paled compared to the satisfaction Moser felt when someone smiled or thanked her for her efforts.

Literature, religions and fairy tales all trumpet the message that kindness will change our lives for the better—think of a transformed Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. But is this message just a sugar-coated platitude, or can altruism really create lasting satisfaction?

Last year, Stanford University psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky decided to put the kindness-fulfillment connection to the test. She asked students to carry out five weekly “random acts of kindness” of their choice, anything from buying a Big Mac for a homeless person to helping a younger sibling with schoolwork.

Her results indicate the Scrooge effect is no myth. The students reported higher levels of happiness than a control group, with students who performed all five kind acts in one day reaping the biggest rewards by the end of the six-week study period. Previous studies have found that altruistic people tend to be happy, but Lyubomirsky’s was the first to establish that good deeds are actually the direct cause of an increase in well-being.

Why is being generous such a mood-booster? While hard-and-fast answers are elusive, the main reason is that it gives people a strong sense they’re doing something that matters. “There are a lot of positive social consequences to being kind—other people appreciate you, they’re grateful and they might reciprocate,” Lyubomirsky says. All of these responses, she adds, are likely to make your happiness cup run over. In another study, she found that people who felt most strongly that others appreciated their efforts reported the biggest boost.

New Jersey rabbi Shmuel Greenbaum can testify to the ways kind acts reshape the self-image. After his wife, Shoshana, was killed by a suicide bomber in Israel in 2001, Greenbaum decided to respond by carrying out small acts of kindness each day—and gradually felt his anger and apathy dissolve, replaced by a strong sense of purpose. “Being kind helps you feel in control,” Greenbaum says. “By doing a good deed, you’re saying, ‘Here’s something I can do to change the world.’ “

Of course, real-world kindness bears little resemblance to sunshine-and-lollipops cliches. For starters, not all good deeds promise equal returns. Passing out smiley-face stickers or leaving lucky pennies on the sidewalk may not yield fulfillment, according to Jonathan Haidt, a University of Virginia psychologist and author of The Happiness Hypothesis. Instead, he recommends choosing deeds that strengthen existing social ties, such as driving to visit your grandmother. “If you do a random act of kindness for a stranger and it’s a one-shot deal, there’s much less likelihood that you’re going to see any benefit,” he says. “It’s not the altruism per se that’s important. It’s really all about building relationships.”

Lyubomirsky’s work reveals another potential kindness pitfall: Like almost any other activity, being nice gets boring after a while. In a companion study, she found that participants who varied their acts of kindness—volunteering at a library one day and hosting a surprise party for a friend the next, for instance reported bigger increases in mood than those who repeated the same act over and over. “You need variety or else it gets monotonous,” she says. “It becomes a chore, like doing the same run every day.” To experience kindness as a natural high rather than drudgery, she suggests brainstorming creative, unexpected good deeds, like surprising your nephew with a new Super Soaker or returning to your old high school to visit a teacher who inspired you.

It’s easy to resolve to be a kinder person, but translating intention into reality is another matter entirely. To make sure your commitment doesn’t weaken, Haidt advises using a marathoner’s strategy: partner up. “Try joining a volunteer outfit where you form ties. That’s easier to sustain than being a ‘kindness guerrilla’ working on your own.”

Pass It On
Random Acts Of Kindness

A simple play on words, a negative turned positive and a movement is sparked. “Today I will commit one random act of senseless kindness.” This simple phrase has launched an international movement inspiring people to practice kindness and to “pass it on” to others. It spawned bumper stickers, T-shirts, books, a foundation. There are now even designated Random Acts of Kindness Weeks and World Kindness Days.

While pondering an assignment for his human relations class at Bakersfield College, Chuck Wall overheard the radio news, “We have another random act of senseless violence to report.” He took out the “violence” and stuck in “kindness” and gave his class their assignment. Revolutions come from just such flashes of inspiration and Wall’s students became kindness revolutionaries.

Kindness is contagious. A smile begets a smile, simple courtesies encourage politeness, and a thoughtful gesture lingers in the heart. It feels good to do good and doing good deeds make others feel good. And so it goes, one good turn deserves another, and kindness becomes a way of life. Kindness is fundamental to life and it is essential in creating healthy, happy human relationships. We all need to be shown kindness and we all need to express it. Acts of kindness connect us to one another. It gives us hope in humanity.

Whether random or well planned out and articulated, acts of kindness have a domino affect in creating a better world. Generosity of spirit is just as important as monetary contributions. Sincere acts of kindness are almost always appreciated, even if there is no acknowledgment. For true kindness is unconditional with no thought of reciprocation.

Kindness lingers. We may forget the words, or even the person, but we seldom forget the act, a door held open, a cookie from a neighbor, a word of encouragement when we are feeling blue. Try it today. Commit one random act of senseless kindness. Mow a neighbor’s lawn, let someone cut in line in front of you, hand out balloons for no reason, say something nice to everyone you meet. Chances are those that you touch today will “pass it on” to others. We can change the world, one smile at a time.For more information visit Actsofkindness.org

About this Article:
Reprinted with permission from DailyOM.com - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com © 2004-07 DailyOM – All Rights Reserved. 

Technorati Tags: daily acts of kindness, Inspirational, one kind act, change the world, pass it on

 

 

 

Pay it Forward
Elizabeth Svoboda
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE

As life dragged on after her best friend Lynda Drabek’s funeral, Charlene Moser took a novel approach to keeping the pain at bay: She carried out small acts of kindness. The good deeds she chose—paying for the drive-thru customer behind her, for instance—were things Lynda, a lifelong altruist, had done. “She would go through her address book, pick someone at random and write a card to them—no occasion, just because,” Moser recalls.

At first, being the Good Samaritan wasn’t easy. Both recipients and intermediaries—the drive-thru cashiers, for instance—were suspicious of her motives. Still, any resistance paled compared to the satisfaction Moser felt when someone smiled or thanked her for her efforts.

Literature, religions and fairy tales all trumpet the message that kindness will change our lives for the better—think of a transformed Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. But is this message just a sugar-coated platitude, or can altruism really create lasting satisfaction?

Last year, Stanford University psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky decided to put the kindness-fulfillment connection to the test. She asked students to carry out five weekly “random acts of kindness” of their choice, anything from buying a Big Mac for a homeless person to helping a younger sibling with schoolwork.

Her results indicate the Scrooge effect is no myth. The students reported higher levels of happiness than a control group, with students who performed all five kind acts in one day reaping the biggest rewards by the end of the six-week study period. Previous studies have found that altruistic people tend to be happy, but Lyubomirsky’s was the first to establish that good deeds are actually the direct cause of an increase in well-being.

Why is being generous such a mood-booster? While hard-and-fast answers are elusive, the main reason is that it gives people a strong sense they’re doing something that matters. “There are a lot of positive social consequences to being kind—other people appreciate you, they’re grateful and they might reciprocate,” Lyubomirsky says. All of these responses, she adds, are likely to make your happiness cup run over. In another study, she found that people who felt most strongly that others appreciated their efforts reported the biggest boost.

New Jersey rabbi Shmuel Greenbaum can testify to the ways kind acts reshape the self-image. After his wife, Shoshana, was killed by a suicide bomber in Israel in 2001, Greenbaum decided to respond by carrying out small acts of kindness each day—and gradually felt his anger and apathy dissolve, replaced by a strong sense of purpose. “Being kind helps you feel in control,” Greenbaum says. “By doing a good deed, you’re saying, ‘Here’s something I can do to change the world.’ “